Saturday, November 8, 2008

Being who you really are

This move has been an interesting change in my life. I am certain it was right, and I can see the hand of the Lord in our lives for a very long time leading up to this. I also feel little glimpses of the future, and I know this move is a crucial key in that future. I feel absolute peace about it. However, as with anything that is right or worth doing at all, there has been intense opposition in our lives and a lot of trials. There have been many things that would make it easy to fear right now. I think a lot of us feel that way these days.

This move has stretched me to the very edge of what I am in many ways. We have been stretched to our financial limit and it has been a great trial, but a lesson in simplicity as well. Trying to move without Matt was exhausting and very difficult, but taught me tremendous things, like asking for help from those around me and the joy that comes from being served by those who love you, and also finding strength within myself I didn't realize was there. Beyond that, I also learned that the Atonement truly can and does make up for what we lack.

Now I find myself being stretched again...this new area that we live in is filled with so many good and successful people that I find the temptation thoughts coming...the thoughts that whisper that I could not possibly fit here, belong here, or make any difference here. Feelings of inadequacy, the "who do you think you are?" kind of feelings. Thoughts that whisper how easy it would be to hide here and not try. That is the last thing I want to do, but it is so hard to step outside of the comfortable and try to be brave. I began reading a book this weekend that my sister had sent me, called Something More. The author, Sarah Ban Breathnach, said something in the very first chapter that I found wonderful:
I wish I'd known from the beginning that I was born a strong woman. What a difference it would have made! I wish I'd known that I was born a courageous woman; I've spent so much of my life cowering. How many conversations would I have not only started but finished if I'd known I possessed a warrior's heart? I wish I'd known that I'd been born to take on the world; I wouldn't have run from it for so long, but run to it with open arms.
It reminded me of something I heard Sheri Dew say once: "Pray to see yourself as Christ sees you." He knows who we really are, who we're really meant to be. Not only that, but He'll help us get there, too!


chantilita said...

I started reading that book again last week and was touched by that same part. Which reminds me--I have another book for you...

I'm also reminded of a quote one of my roommates in Logan used to say all the time (I'm sure you know it):

"You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think." -Christopher Robin

I love you!!

Jason Calton said...

you remember when the kid at the wal-mart made the rude comment about you not having anything to do and you listed all the wonderful talents and attributes you have......that's why you fit in in Colorado , because your one of the most awesome people I've ever met. Don't let old slick think he's got one up on you, your the best mother, primary teacher, and wife I've ever seen . I'm impressed with who you are.

Ann said...

Thanks Jason, that means so much to me :) Love you guys!

kannie said...

YES!!! What an empowering post... and I know how those doubts creep in, LOL - isn't it ridiculous how we're tempted to think negatively of ourselves, regardless of the situation? Ridiculous, but universal, LOL... thank you for your post! :-)

Tara and Dan said...

Sure you are being stretched, but you can handle it because you are ELASTIGIRL!!!!! I have no doubt you will fit in once you get used to living in a new place. Starting over can be exciting, but also scary when you don't know anyone. You are one of the most talented, sweet, and charming people I know :). Go show em what you got!!!