Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Stronger than sight

Lately, I feel this oppressive darkness that is constantly trying to press itself on me. Things have been so difficult lately, and it has been so easy to begin to feel discouraged. I am trying so hard to stay uplifted and to remain rooted in faith, rather than allowing myself to fear. But there have been times that I feel like the little light inside of me is just about out.

This past weekend, I was feeling exceptionally low. I felt like I was so heavy I could barely feel anything. There was a church meeting that night. I prayed and prayed for help...I was given the strength to go to the meeting, but I was still very heavy.

As I sat in the meeting, the opening song began. I felt a little whisper to my heart: "This is for you, Ann." I lifted my head and tried to sing along.

"The Lord is my light!" I found myself singing. I prayed even harder for that light.

As I continued to sing, I felt the darkness finally lift, and hope return. I felt so strongly the love of my Father, and His knowledge of every struggle we are facing, as well as His knowledge that it would all be okay.

Things are so hard right now that I cannot begin to imagine how they will work out or be okay. But as I sang these words, I felt warm, bright, and peaceful again:

The Lord is my light; though clouds may arise
Faith, stronger than sight, looks up through the skies

I feel my Father constantly calling me to have faith, and to "look up." Even though there is darkness, bent on my destruction, there is a much stronger light, in Whom is "no darkness at all!" Though I cannot see what will happen to us, I do have faith, and that is "stronger than sight."

Fighting through darkness and despair and pleading for the light is what opened this dispensation. It is what keeps it going, and it is what will keep you going.

Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward.
For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise. (Hebrews 10:35–36)

I acknowledge the reality of opposition and adversity, but I bear witness of the God of Glory, of the redeeming Son of God, of light and hope and a bright future.
-Jeffrey R. Holland


Tom and Natalie said...

I love the new decor! Your girls are so cute! It's amazing to me that if we just put it all in the Lord's hands, everything always turns out way better than anything that we could ever have planned for ourselves! It's also amazing that we seem to forget and want to take over! I don't know why I can't just remember that! It would make life easier if I could!

Jason said...

Stay strong my faithful I read I relate. It is so true that Satan stabs at us every chance he can. Someone once told me that is because I mean so much to our Heavenly Father and that He has very important work for me to do.....I think that goes for you too! I love you Ann and I will pray that your strength is increased.

Nicole said...

interesting that we keep having the same "rough" weeks. too bad we weren't neighbors to help each other. thanks for the scriptures. i'm focusing on having real charity. the definition in moroni is SO thorough: bearing all things, enduring all things, hoping in all things, suffering long, not easily provoked... SO much of what i'm needing now. i don't feel like i'm seeing an end of this pregnancy tunnel. it has been hard this week without bobby, especially.

but there is HOPE. that is what keeps us going... love you!

kannie said...

"...remain rooted in faith, rather than allowing myself to fear." - I think you've hit the key, Sweet Ann...

It helps to remember a couple examples from the NT, too: Peter walking on water, until his faith failed - and Christ raised him back up; and then the man who eventually acknowledged his reservations and pleaded, "Help Thou mine unbelief." And the Lord helped him, too. *sheesh, tearing up* I know the Lord is there, and He truly is our Light. And as long as we're clinging to that Light, and walking in it, we will be able to dispel the darkness - at least from around ourselves.

Can't wait for Conference!!!


Chantile said...

I appreciate how candid you are about what you're feeling! You're such an inspiration, to me and to people I'm sure you don't even know. I love you and I'm so glad you're my sister!

"You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think."

It's me, Jenny! said...

Often I find myself in a similar situation...and then I remember "this too shall pass" Isn't it amazing that when we look back on our trials we are able to pick out the points where our faith was confirmed.

I love reading your blog Ann, you're words are inspirational.-Jenny

jerolyn said...

Ann, you are such an amazing person. I wish I could be even half the person you are. I hope I can be a wife and mother like you someday!
You inspire me to do better, reading your blog always makes me want to try harder in my every day life.
Your testimony is so strong and amazing.
I got your yoga dvd today in the mail. I was amazed that you did such a kind thing(if there is ever anything I can do for you, just let me know).
I am honestly glad that we are cousins and that you are in my life, even though we never see each other, you are one of those people that I really look up to! So thanks for being you!