Friday, March 20, 2009

Untroubled Faith

I guess it's obvious that lately, I've been pondering a lot about life, the future, and what to do and feel about everything.

There have been a lot of things lately that have happened that have been hard to accept and understand.

Luckily, I guess I've been here before enough times to have finally gained a faith that it is truly in the Lord's hands.

But some days, that knowledge doesn't come as easily as on others. These past few days have been a bit of a struggle in that way. I feel so motivated to reach and to push and to stretch and to grow, but the struggles that come with it bring doubtful thoughts at times. And it seems as though this past year, and especially since we moved, everything I ever thought about myself or my life and future has been challenged to the point of wondering some days who I am at all. I feel so motivated and impelled to grow, but these challenges have seemed so discouraging at times that I have often wondered if I even have the capacity to grow into what I desire.

It seems that the harder I push, and further I try to go, the more difficult it becomes. All of us have felt that way, I know. But this has been different lately. It's hard to explain.

Of course, I have found myself praying for help the past few days.

Help to hold on to any confidence that I once had in myself and my worth and abilities.

It is amazing how quietly we are led at times. Sometimes, we look for the big, wide answers and miss the whispers.

Today while I was making the billionth cookie for a ward activity tonight, I found myself listening to a talk I'd had a prompting to listen to. I saw a talk entitled An Untroubled Faith. I laughed when I saw the title, because it is so much what I am working on.

In the talk, James E. Faust speaks, among other things, about Joseph Smith. He said:
To have a fair appreciation for the greatness of Joseph Smith’s mission, we must step back and view the grand panorama of it all. To me, the only logical explanation for the majesty and success of his work is that he saw what he said he saw, and he was what he said he was. What he restored is so complete, so all-encompassing in concept, so majestic and awesome in potential, that only God himself could have been the author and motivating force behind it. The fruits of Joseph Smith’s work, so plain for all to see, are also a testimony of the divinity of his work.
I'm not comparing myself to Joseph Smith, or any of my trials to his. (In fact, I laugh at my own when I think of his.)

But, when I heard that today, something spoke to my heart. "Only God Himself could have been the author and motivating force behind" my own desires for growth. There is no doubt that He motivated Joseph, so why not me?

And we all know that what Joseph was accomplishing was "majestic and awesome in potential." Could it be that I, too, am "majestic and awesome in potential?"

I believe so.

Believing again that the stirrings inside me are of divine origin gives me hope. Joseph must have wondered why it was all so difficult. But he must see it now with such joy. I, too, can try to learn from that perspective, and not allow myself to be so discouraged by things that are difficult, but rather, be grateful for the divinely inspired process that is going on in my life.

In all of us who welcome it.

1 comment:

Chantile said...

I've had this quote floating around me for awhile now... every time I read it, I feel a bit ashamed, because it's exactly how I've been feeling, and I feel like I cop-out to being a better person because, well, I couldn't be that, could I?

I think about you when I read it, too, because it's describing you exactly--brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous. And out of anyone inspiring me right now, you "make manifest the glory of God that is within us" and help me strive to try a little harder. Every day when I get to work, and before I go to bed, I check your blog to see if you've written anything, because you always say exactly what I need to hear. I love you!!

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." Marianne Williamson