Friday, May 29, 2009


Everything is going so fast. All the time.

There are times when I get tired. Tired of the constant desire so many seem to have to pit themselves or their children against everyone else.

I needed a moment the other day. And so did my girls. A moment to slow down and just be ourselves. To just refocus and find peace again. We gathered up some paper and our pencils, and went out to find a pretty spot. We drew things we saw and talked and wondered.

It was glorious.

We drew together.

We looked up together.

Children shouldn't be so rushed. They should be able to savor life and all of its joy. The pressure has been coming off more and more in our home, and we are all seeing the blessing of it. There are more and more moments like this these days, and I am striving to help my girls to understand the real point to their lives, rather than rushing them through it. They need to feel more of the beauty around them and in themselves. They need to feel less of the desire to be better at everything than someone else.

I love to watch them be children. :)

The girls and a friend pretended to go fishing in a big puddle. :) I loved watching it. :)

"Praise each child individually
for what that child is,
and help him or her escape
our culture’s obsession
with comparing,
and never feeling
we are

- Jeffery R. Holland

Thursday, May 28, 2009

6 years old :)

A milestone has been reached in our home...we have a six year old! I cannot believe it...six years ago I had my first glorious baby girl. She's definitely not a baby any more. She is a beautiful, intelligent, compassionate young lady, and I Love her with my soul.

We celebrated her birthday a few days ago, so that daddy could be with us all day. It started out really fun. She and I went out to breakfast so that she could have some one-on-one time...something the oldest never gets! Then she and I went to pick up her brand new scooter!! She has eaten, breathed, and dreamed scooters for six months. She definitely earned one with how much she helps us. :)

I had wanted so much for the day to be all about her. Unfortunately, the day was not able to remain being about her for long. Her baby sister was in absolute agony, and we finally had to take her back into the urgent care. Instead of having cake and presents, our birthday girl got to sit in the dark, rainy car while the family waited for mommy to come out with the baby.

But the amazing thing about that day is sweet, big girl exhibited, all day long, exactly what she is. Her behavior on her birthday describes her perfectly:

1) She gladly and happily shared her brand new scooter with her sisters, time after time. She's wanted a scooter for months, and she has three sisters. But she didn't mind giving them all multiple turns throughout the day.

2) Never once did she cry or complain about the attention not being on her. She is selfless.

3) She didn't fuss a bit about having to wait for her presents. (She had to wait until we got home at 10:00 at night.)

4) She was just fine and very cheerful when I told her that we wouldn't be able to have cake that day. She was pleasant and happy to wait until the next day.

5) Rather than complaining about homemade presents, as many 6-year-olds would do, she thanked me many times for making her presents.

I love this girl! She is a light, joy, example, and blessing to my life. She helps me constantly and I do not know what I would ever do without her. I love her dearly, and though I can still remember holding her in my arms as a brand new baby, I am amazed at the lovely young lady she is becoming.

She loves the new princess apron:

And she hasn't stopped sewing with the little sewing cards daddy made her:

The butterfly collage I made her to hang next to her bed:

Modeling the apron, and anxiously eyeing the sewing card she wants to get started on:

Sharing her presents without a thought:

The sad little cake we had the next day, that she loved anyway :) :

Conspiring about what to wish for:

Even the youngest felt good enough the next night to have some ice cream, in her own way:

Our family would never be the same without our big sister! We are so grateful that you are with us, sweetheart. We Love you!!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The best daddy in the world

On Saturday, someone from Matt's work was having a barbeque. Matt had been looking forward to it for a couple of weeks. We got everyone ready and headed out, but things fell apart pretty quickly after driving for a little while. The girls were just having a rough day. Our youngest was not feeling well and crying, and soon the girls were all pretty weepy.

We made it about halfway and stopped to let the girls go to the bathroom. We were running a little late, like always, and I felt bad that we were kind of spoiling what Matt had been looking forward to for the weekend. It's hard to describe how little free time he has.

But, when we came out, instead of finding an impatient man who was irritated at his crying women and anxious to get back on the road to his barbeque, we found a kind and loving daddy, who let his girls look at a water fountain and run and play. We found a daddy who decided not to put his tired girls through another long stint in the car and a barbeque where they'd have to sit and be quiet, likely being the only children. Instead, he took us to Dairy Queen and laughed with us and bought us ice cream. I think you can see from the chocolatey faces how much we Love our daddy. (Poor little Bug-a-boo was pretty miserable, but I think she liked the ice cream anyway. :) I'll write more later about what we didn't know about that poor little kiddo at the time.)

The thing is, he's like this all the time. He's absolutely marvellous. I'm sorry ladies, I saw him first. He's mine. :)

Thursday, May 21, 2009

A decision

I wrote this a few days ago. I just never posted it, because I wasn't sure of the wording. I decided to just post it, because I need to help myself remember these things. :)

Life is interesting. A few months ago, everything seemed so sure. We had been through so much pain and struggle, and had changed our wills. After all of that painful time, life seemed to blossom for us with new possibilities. And it has. And I am happy and grateful.

But part of me is also so tired, and tonight I am tempted to feel beaten down. So much has happened in the past few months. So much that I don't even know how to talk about, except to Matt and in my prayers. It's tempting to feel that ironic, self-centered pain...that feeling that I know we all have from time to time..."Why does everything seem to work out for everyone else? I have faith and I'm a good person." Aside from the fact that this is the exact thought that, if fed, can canker our souls and cause us to selfishly forget the tremendous blessings that we are given, it misrepresents what is really happening. Everything is working out, just not how I wanted.

Ah, yes, we're back to that again. And again. And again. I revisit this struggle with my will a lot, don't I?

A few months ago, things were challenging, though bright. Matt and I were apart, but we were both safe and so happy for our bright future. I had faith, and felt certain that things would work out. It was a little easier at that time to decide to have faith, because, as I wrote, "Faith is not a feeling. It is a decision." At that time, we were coming out of a long tunnel of trials and I could just see what happy things lay ahead of us.

But, as happens to all of us, I've felt these past few days like my heart has just been put through the wringer, again and again these past few months. I feel as though the past year and a half of my life has been an accelerated course on letting go of what I want.

As I have been faced, once again, with a decision of whether to have faith or not, I struggled. It was much easier a few months ago, when I had a happy faith and a clear idea of how I wanted it to work out, and a sure plan inside my heart. Last night was different, as deciding to have faith meant giving up the one little light of hope I had left in my heart for a righteous desire that I had. I felt like I had had faith and a sure knowledge that the Lord would do this one thing. I know He could do it. But right now, things are going in a different direction, one that I do not want. So once again, I come to that crucial junction...let my heart hold on and try to maintain the control, or let go and stop worrying about what I want.

It's much easier to decide to have faith when things seem hopeful, even if they are challenging. But when there doesn't seem to be any hope, it's a tougher decision, I'm learning.

But amazingly, once I decide to surrender my will once again, hope returns. A different hope. Not a hope for what I wanted.

Just hope. And peace. Because I remember that somehow, He has always made it alright. Somehow, He will again. And in the meantime, I know He knows how I feel, and feels it right along with me.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009


I've been doing well lately. I've been happy, and my spirits have been good. But the past couple of days I have felt myself slipping a bit. I know how tremendously blessed my life is. But for over a week now I have been in a great deal of pain and have hardly been able to walk, let alone take care of the house and kids! That has worn on me. I have really tried to be good about it, but it has started to wear on me. I've never had an experience quite like this before, and it has been a small challenge. In addition, I have a baby with an ear infection, who I am also trying to wean, and a child whose asthma has flared. I felt a bit alone this morning, surrounded by mess, crying girls, and very ouchy knees. I could feel my spirits failing me a bit and I prayed sincerely for help. I called a lady in the ward to give my excuses for not being able to attend an event today, and felt so down and felt like I looked so ridiculous. I was surprised by not only her kindness, but by all that we found to talk about. I think we both felt better after the conversation was done, and later I found flowers and some supplements to help my knees by my front door. I felt so loved. I didn't feel so alone, and I was reminded of all the truly incredible blessings of my life.

So even though I'm still in a messy house with silly ouchy knees and crying girls today, I have these flowers by my window that remind me that our prayers are answered and we are loved and not alone. :)

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Warm Spring Fuzzies

Yesterday, the warm spring breezes start to blow the beautiful, wispy, cottony pods off of the trees, and the girls had a magical time chasing them and trying to catch them.

We had a little picnic out on the porch. I love spring. :)

Little teacher

This has to be one of the best purchases we have ever made.

Do you have one yet?

If not, you ought to. :) It's an incredible tool. Get one today.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Happy Mother's Day :)

Matt and the girls spoiled me rotten this weekend. :) We had a splendid day on Saturday! They took me out to eat for a "fancy lunch," as the girls called it. Then we went to fly kites as a family!

Much fun was had by all, rolling down hills:

I love my family with all of my heart, and I am so tremendously grateful and honored each day to be their mother. They are my life!