Thursday, July 29, 2010

Coming back

These past few months have really been tough.  They have been filled with self-doubt, and even peppered with self-loathing.

I've hated it.

But a desire to feel better and to be better has spurred me on.  It's amazing that at a time when I am trying to finally step into myself, into who I am meant to be, I have hit my lowest.  And it's been awful, but I have at least tried to refuse to stay there.

Nights have been filled with tearful conversations, over and over, with Matt.  (Without whom, I would have to say, I would be nothing.)  Days have been filled, again and again, with a prayerful attempt to go just one more step with a smile on my face.

And somehow, I can feel something changing inside me.

I am beginning to see a light ahead.

Today, during morning yoga time, my camera-happy daughter was having fun taking pictures of everything.  :)  She snapped a picture of me and when I saw it (excusing the lack of makeup that exists on my face 99% of the time...), I felt something deeper.

It was a look at myself from the outside, rather than the inner doubt and turmoil that I've been fighting through. 

Pushing upward as strong as I can, and reaching for more...for light.

Determined.

Somehow, when I see this picture, "au naturale" as it may be, I feel hope.  Like somehow, the woman in this picture will succeed, somehow, if she keeps reaching.

Have faith.  Have faith in yourself, and in God.  As hard as it has been, the past few months have been such a testament to His constancy.  Each time I have hit a low point, someone...one of you, has been there.  Somehow you knew to be there.  I love you for it.  Each of you have played some role.


"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
-Marianne Williamson

We are all meant to shine...who are you not to?  Have faith in yourself.


(And yes, sometimes we do yoga in a dress. Because that's the way we roll.) :)

12 comments:

matt said...

Great post, thanks for the upliftment! You're doing great, and help each one of the 6 others of us every day!

(And hey, I think you look great in anything!) ;)

c h a n t i l e said...

Sometimes I do the Ab Circle in my jammies, cause that's how I roll! lol Haven't tried it in a dress yet! :)

You are SO wonderful. You have no idea! It's amazing to see the beautiful person you are, and how much you have to give and be, even if you don't always see it!! I know it's there, and if you ever need a reminder, just let me know!

Can't wait to see you this weekend!

www.theevolvinghomemaker.com said...

When I fell a year and a half ago, there was no one there to catch me...your husband sounds like he has one arm out for you whenever you need. Such a blessing.

I do believe that the hardest times are the brightest on the other side. While I have plenty of good days, scattered with a few in which I am reminded that I am not caring for myself, I do feel more grounded, closer to God, closer to my truth...than ever before...

Hugs my friend!

:)
Jen

MariLouise said...

I see something new too--your darling knees! Ha ha--I think we need to see more of those. ;)

Jessie Mae said...

I love you.

Kaui said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kaui said...

You are most definitely rolling most magnificently.

Thank you for reminding me what I can and need to do.

Nicole said...

i hope you're doing well--- i wrote about my inspiration today...

Eaton Family said...

I have to say you wouldn't be nothing without Matt :) - I see what you're saying but really...I'm positive you're everything to your family and so much more!...And look at you...you just had a baby?!! :)

Marci said...

Keep reaching! There are so many of us out here that forget our potential. Keep uplifting! We each need encouragement. Keep believing! When your capabilities are proven to you, you start remembering each moment why you believe. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I hope to participate via podcast, in your Yoga for Congo Women next month.

Ann said...

thank you, marci!

Debra Domenici said...

Thank you so much for your inspiration. What a beautiful picture of a beautiful woman, mom, wife, sister, daughter and friend. You are so much for everyone!

Aren't husband's great! They are such great supporters and helpers. I don't know where I would be without Nellis. He is so strong, even with all that he goes through.

I hope that I can become as strong of a mom, wife, daughter, sister, and friend as you are.

Thank you!